


Anatole showers himself in axe

by violentbuns



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 06:51:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16551002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentbuns/pseuds/violentbuns
Summary: anatole goes to the club





	Anatole showers himself in axe

on a fucking horrible day in russia, anatole decided he was gonna go clap some cheeks so he gathered his stuff and called balaga. 'hey you smelly nutsack im going to the club come get me' he screeched into his kazoo. balaga went as fast as his horses casher, prancer, and steve could take him. after trampling 12 small children, balaga finally got to anatole's place and picked him up. 'holy fuck you smell like a dead hooker' balaga screeched. 'shit fam you right' anatole purred sexually. he fuckin pulled an entire can of axe from out his ass and showered in it like a horny 6th grader. 'let's go you fuckin trashbags' balaga barked. his horses were so startled that they went 5 miles over the speed limit through the town. after anatole masked the stench of dead hooker in 19th century fuckboy axe, he felt content and fucked himself. unfortunately balaga's horses are pussies and fuckin suffocated in axe and died. the troika swerved out of control and crashed into a street lamp. anatole was sent flying and crashed into a shop window. severely concussed and bleeding horribly, anatole puked sexually on a pretty lady's shoes. the pretty lady's boyfriend got mad and was all like 'wtf you doin hitting up my lady you fuckin rat imma beat you'. anatole was beaten to bits and got blood all over his white suit.  
meanwhike, dolokhov's gay ass could smell anatole's axe shower from miles away. he followed the stench to the shop where anatole was being beaten. dolokhov shot the man and helped his injured boyfriend up. 'why the fuck is balaga crying over 3 dead horses outside?' he questioned. 'i was gonna go to the club and clap cheeks but i killed balaga's horses and nearly fuckin died.' anatole choked out. 'well you can't go clap cheeks at the club bleeding like that so i might as well drag you to my place and bring the club there'. anatole smiled and was like 'that's lit thanks dolokhov'. they went to dolokhov's and got horribly drunk and clapped cheeks. the end

**Author's Note:**

> i regret writing this
> 
>  
> 
> edit: holy crap thanks for all the comments and kudos i feel loved


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